We got so high we made milksteak
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
