Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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