Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
