so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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