Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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