hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
