You work out of a Hotel?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
