I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
