Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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