rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
