was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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