The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
