trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
