I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
