Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
