Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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