Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
