i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
