I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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