im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
