i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
