my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
