Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
