he wants to bone in the snuggie
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
