Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize