he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
