have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
