I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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