Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
