we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
