if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
