Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
