Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
