Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
