Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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