Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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