please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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