So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
