Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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