We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
