Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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