Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nut hugger
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
