I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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