i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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