I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Non-Jews are for practice
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
