Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
