Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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