bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize