dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
