ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize