If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Vodka?
Forever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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