I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
did i walk over a car last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
