Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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