if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
