I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
