nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
