Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
