some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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