apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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