i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just forgot I was standing up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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