Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
