i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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