I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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