So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
