I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
