Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
