Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
