so let's talk penis.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
