I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize