we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
