biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
