it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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