i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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