do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
